Monday, March 17, 2008

Day 22 - Cheese, Notorious Cheese!

I had terrible cheese cravings last night. I think it's because I am under an amazing amount of stress and my food addiction is kicking into high gear. I started feeling deprived, like I was somehow going to go crazy if I didn't eventually get to indulge in dairy. I know it sounds so crazy, but this sickness my brain has, this addiction, is what I need to heal.

Last night I saw what was happening to me, and I knew the outcome if I let this go unchecked for a few days or weeks...which would be a secret bean and cheese burrito or some god awful junk food binge which would leave me feeling unbearably guilty and sufficiently punished.

Instead of just trying to overcome it, I talked to my husband. I told him of this addiction and how it is in overdrive. He immediately asked me if I had the makings of vegan mac and cheese, and I didn't...but this was really a wake up call.

I realized that I constantly am trying to sate myself with false dairy...which will never work. I instead told him that what I needed was a pilgrimage to Whole Foods. I decided that I will go get my favorite vegan fruits and soy yogurt, hummus, some vegan chicken salad, and maybe a slice of the great vegan pizza they make.

I need to reprogram my brain.

I remember how junk food tastes, but it is a thing of my past. Today, and just today, I was able to stop this self destructive path but reminding myself how delicious vegan food is....NOT animal product substitutes, but wholesome vegan food, and then telling myself that this is what I eat now, and the other is not an option anymore.

This might seem like a person lost in the useless minutia of life, but to me unraveling this food addiction is the key. It is what I must do, or else I will excuse myself into poor health, a fat body, and a diet full of cruelty.

But today, I am victorious!

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